The 4 Gift Rule on Christmas Changed Everything for My Family 6+ Years Ago…
This Christmas tradition will change how your family celebrates…forever.
The “4 Gift Rule” is a simple Christmas tradition that makes gift-giving less stressful and more meaningful for everyone. Read on to find out how it works!
Here’s some backstory on why we started the 4 Gift Rule…
When I became a mom in 2010 I started doing exactly what my mom did – buy for my kids in extreme excess.
I used to believe more gifts meant more joy, but I soon found it had the opposite effect.
Christmas can quickly get taken over by frivolous gifts by the unconscious habits of “I didn’t buy enough”, “Just one more gift”, “I need to even them out”, or simply falling for a hot, new trendy toy on the market only for its joy to be short-lived.
Above is a photo from Christmas 2012 – just 8 months after I had my second son. Presents were packed so deep under the tree and every single one was for my two boys. I had spent so much I didn’t have a penny left. Yet I remember feeling so proud placing the last gift under the tree knowing my boys would wake up to a “magical” looking Christmas.
Deep down inside I felt empty and so very stressed over the financial burden I had chosen to create. I was a very young mom living off one income and I knew I couldn’t afford to keep this up. I didn’t want to keep this up. You see when you buy in excess, you create an expectation for yourself and for others. Almost always these high expectations lead to unnecessary stress for you and your finances.
I LOVE gift giving…but what I realized is that I love gift giving with intention.
That’s when I opened the idea of starting the 4 Gift Rule…
I toyed with this minimalist idea for a few years but I found myself making every excuse why I couldn’t start yet. “My kids still believed in Santa. They’re still too little. I’ll do it next year. It’ll be easier when they’re older.” etc.
Fast forward to 2017 (yes, 5 Christmases later 😳) I finally committed myself to the 4 gift rule. No excuses. No ifs, ands, or buts. I knew I deserved the stress-free and simple Christmas season my heart yearned for every year. More importantly, I wanted my children to have realistic expectations and a new sense of gratitude.
Starting the 4 Gift Rule was the best thing I ever did for myself and for my kids.
Can you imagine the idea of giving just 4 gifts to each of your children?
I know this tradition might come off shocking if you’re used to going completely overboard like I used to, but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen parents asking on Facebook or Instagram what even to gift their kids because they already have it all…🤔.
What I can tell you is that starting this tradition has been extremely freeing. I also love that it has forced me to think much deeper about every gift I give.
These are the 4 Gift Rules:
- WANT Gift – such as a popular video game, dollhouse, play kitchen, or the hottest new trends this season.
- NEED Gift – such as toiletries, new bedding, or maybe a more expensive item you’ve been neglecting to buy like a fancy electric toothbrush.
- WEAR Gift – such as makeup, new sports equipment, or apparel for their favorite team or movie.
- READ Gift – could be educational, a college textbook, inspirational wall art, or something interactive.
I have also incorporated one more gift – something you DO and sometimes a bonus gift for all my kids – a “share gift” which is typically a family game or something involving our entire family.
My kiddos still enjoy Christmas just as much. In fact, they love it the MOST now.
Last year, out of curiosity, I asked my kids where they love celebrating Christmas most since they celebrate at multiple homes. I expected them to say Grandma’s, known for going overboard with gifts (what kid doesn’t love that?).
I was shocked when they all said my Christmases are their favorite because they get gifts they actually want or need. Most notably they mentioned how we always have time for our French toast casserole afterward before jetting off to another family’s house. It’s the little things, guys! 🥹
After five successful years, I have never felt more confident in my decision to start this life-changing tradition and encourage others to do it as well.
Hip Tip: Encourage your kiddo to list a few different options for each of the 4 Gift Rules when making their Christmas list so they’ll still be surprised come Christmas morning and you’ll have a few extra ideas for extended family who may want to get them something too.
This is our tree from two Christmases ago – year four doing the 4 Gift Rule.
The 4 Gift Rule will take so much pressure off YOU and your wallet and as you can see, our tree still looks just as magical with just 4 gifts for each of the five people in our family.
This new tradition might also allow you to splurge on a gift you normally couldn’t or wouldn’t buy if you were spending money on a boatload of other things.
Here are more of the amazing benefits of the “4 Gift Rule”:
- It makes your holiday shopping more simplified.
- You’re likely to spend less money.
- It creates an equal playing ground when everyone gets the same amount.
- Kids will think harder about the things they really want.
- It encourages grateful hearts.
- Kids will have more appreciation for what they have.
- Christmas morning will be less hectic & more enjoyable.
- There’s less clean up when all the unwrapping is over.
- Helps everyone focus on what’s really important during the holidays.
- Doesn’t make other kiddos feel bad when they didn’t get “as much”.
Plus, it can still be extremely fun and magical.
As I shared above, I LOVE giving gifts and since there’s such a minimal amount for each person I’m able to really put so much more love into the wrapping and coming up with creative ways to gift them.
Above is a hangman game I wrapped in a big box for my oldest son last year. The words took him to our mudroom where his new bike awaited him. Although it was his biggest gift, it really felt like two exciting gifts in one.
Another way I make the 4 Gift Rule fun is by gradually placing each gift under the tree over the weeks/days leading up to Christmas morning. It creates a sense of excitement and anticipation for the kids as they eagerly wait to see what’s next. In fact, it’s one of the things my kids look forward to the most about this tradition!
The year before, I wrote a couple of fun poems for my boy’s “share gift” which coincidentally ended up being their biggest gift that year – a handmade skate ramp. I wrapped each one in a big box, sending them all around the house until the final poem led them to their surprise! Again, to them, it felt like multiple gifts in one!
Needless to say, it went perfectly with their “want gift” – new scooters! 😍 I also love that coming up with creative ways to wrap gifts extends the amount of time you get to enjoy the unwrapping. Things can move pretty fast when there are just 4 gifts and some stockings from Santa.
Speaking of Santa, is that something you still do when you start the 4 gift rule?
This is probably the most-asked question I get about this rule and whether or not you decide to have gifts from Santa is totally up to you! As for our family, yes, Santa still comes to our house, but it’s very minimal.
I keep his presence alive in our home since my daughter still believes. We fill the stockings with practical and affordable items so they don’t become a burden and sometimes if one of their gifts comes with accessories I will stick those in there too. I also leave one unwrapped gift from Santa under the tree for our little believer so she doesn’t think he missed our house. 😉
Once she doesn’t believe we will retire the tradition of Santa, but still keep stockings for practical items my kiddos need. Again, how you incorporate Santa into your Christmases can be uniquely yours!
The options for your family’s 4 Gift Rule are ENDLESS.
Over the past 5 Christmases, we have had so many amazing memories thanks to our new 4 Gift Rule tradition.
The “do gift” is often my favorite and is quickly becoming one that my kiddos look forward to the most as they get older. Some of their favorite things we’ve done are an NFL game, skiing, and paintballing, and a Disney On Ice show for my daughter. These are typically the types of gifts we also ask for from extended family so we can continue to keep gift-giving to a minimum. Last year, Grandma surprised us all with a trip to the Gaylord in D.C. which is super magical during Christmas and was an under 2 hour drive from home.
Honestly, we enjoy experiences so much as a family that I envision us eventually evolving into only experience gifts the older they get.
Hip Tip: Read more about vacation experience gifts and why the gift of time is so important for families. ❤️
More than anything, I am just so proud of my self-control! 👏🏻
The first couple of years I struggled with the temptation of buying “more” because it didn’t look like “enough”, but I constantly reminded myself that what I have IS enough. Now, it’s not even a thought that crosses my mind.
I’ve also adapted new shopping habits over the years like avoiding mindless walks down toy aisles and doing nearly all of my shopping online so I can stick to just the items on my 4 Gift Rule list.
As a tip, I keep my lists organized in an app on my phone by the type of gift and I always mark what’s been ordered ✅, received 📦, and wrapped 🎁 with fun emojis. It is SO satisfying to add that last emoji to that last gift! 🙌🏼
Christmas is truly so special and meaningful to my family now (in more ways than one) so I challenge you to give it a try too! As a bonus, clean-up will be minimal and you’ll have plenty of time to enjoy a delicious Christmas morning breakfast together. ❤️
Here’s what some of our readers had to say about their 4 gift rule experiences:
“We have done this for 5 years! They are always pleased with what they receive and doing just 4 gifts allows us to afford a family trip each year, which they are always excited to learn about on Christmas.” – Dawn
“It makes it so much easier but also harder because I really think hard about what I’m getting them. It’s a wonderful tradition in this over-consuming America! I don’t buy stuff just to buy stuff anymore!!! We are living a minimal life and it’s beautiful!” – Chelle
“We’ve been doing this for two years and I LOVE IT! My children have been so spoiled which is my fault, so we are trying to reign it in. I don’t want them to think Christmas is only about gifts.” – Shawndra
“We have been doing this the last few years, I love it. It really reduces random buying. I still do a stocking with fun stuff and jammies on Christmas Eve.” – Samantha
“We do this!! I’m a single momma of 4 kids, so this helps with the budget as well as makes sure gifts are equal. The kids love it and ask specifically for certain gifts. It takes the surprise away at times but they also get to look forward to getting what they’ve asked for in each category.” – Karen
“We started doing this 4 years ago in our house and it has made the holiday so much more enjoyable.” – Tracy
Help your kids with their list by using these reader-suggested techniques:
“When you have kids make out their list, have them list in those categories. It’s a good lesson in their needs vs. their wants.” – Mary
“I do this and we have a board up divided into the 4 categories and the kids can add to the list, this really makes them think about gift ideas. My kids are 14, 13, and 8 and we thankfully have no complaints about this!” – Brandy
Ready to give it a try? Check out our FREE printables below!
I also created a 5 Gift Rule printable for ya along with my bonus share gift if you want to give my custom Christmas tradition a try! 🎄
Here are some other great gift ideas that our readers shared:
“I do 3 gifts for my kids. 1. Something they want. 2. Something they need. 3. An experience – This could be going to a sporting event, a concert, a Broadway play, swimming with dolphins, etc.” – Sarah
“We’ve done this the last 4 years and have loved it, but this year everyone is in charge of buying an entire family experience. My 12-year-old wants to treat the family to see the Nutcracker movie, my 6-year-old wants to have an art painting night and my husband and I are each planning a little weekend getaway. Grandparents usually still spoil them and Santa will still fill stockings.” – Rosette
Christmas should be a season of joy, togetherness, and, for many, the celebration of Christ’s birth. We all have a choice to mold it into the way we want it to be, so make the most out of your holiday. No matter how you decide to celebrate this year, make it memorable, be grateful, spread joy, and surround yourself with loved ones.
Merry Christmas, Hip2Savers! ❤️
We have done this for years! My kids are very focused for christmas, and it helps eliminate the constantly changing of the list based on advertisements. I do usually expand the list (i.e. buy extra barbies to go with the one barbie thing my daughter listed) and will ask the grandparents to buy something that maybe was item #6 that didn’t make the cut (we do the 5 things with the 1 item “to do”). But it has definitely kept the budget in check, eliminated extra stress and consumerism, and have not had any complaints!
Love that Cristine and I couldn’t agree more!
That’s what we did last year and it helped so much! I feel like I buy better quality gifts that I know my kids will love and I don’t spend so much time and money buying everything I see. Kids honestly don’t remember the toys anyway. They remember the traditions and memories as a family.
You’re absolutely right, MrsG! So glad this tradition has worked well for your family!
My mom felt the need to go quite overboard with presents for Christmas going for quantity over quality (most were used gifts from yard sales). With 4 of us there were so many presents, most of which I really did not want. I honestly hated spending hours opening gifts I didn’t want, and watching my siblings do the same. It was exhausting for us, and I know it put a huge strain on my mother trying to come up with gift ideas and wrapping all that crap. I would have loved something like this and I even remember begging my mom many christmases not to get a million gifts for me, that I would prefer one or two gifts that I really wanted to a million things I didn’t. I find myself getting carried away with my own kids now (especially with all the great hip deals), so I should probably try this before they get older.
This is the first year my boys discovered the news about Santa, so I’m extra excited to see how this year turns out. They’re already spending more time really thinking our their gift ideas. If you do end up doing it, let me know how it goes!
2 years ago, instead of thousands of dollars on frivolous gifts, we did a year of experiences. They did get one big gift they each wanted. We presented them with a box and 12 envelopes, one for each month. In each envelope was an outing, experience or trip we would do. It was amazing and created so many memories. Some simple things like a family trip to the arcade or a hike around the state park. In June, we did Disney world, in August we did Wisconsin Dells. It was fun to see how exciting it was for them to open the envelope each month. We did this again this year, but due to Covid, we weren’t able to experience it, so we out the $ aside for next year .
Last year we gave gifts but scaled back and gave experiences too. We got all but one in before covid and aren’t comfortable taking a trip to where we were going but one day it’ll be fulfilled! I’m trying to be creative to do it again since we are pretty conservative about what we do in the pandemic. I was thinking one could be a science experiment subscription and some outdoor activities but I don’t know. Hopefully I’ll figure it out soon!
How special! Thank you so much for sharing your unique Christmas gift idea! Love it!
Awesome idea! We are going to give it a try after having our 4th baby this August. Would you mind sharing the recipe to your French toast casserole?
Hey Andrea! This is the recipe I’ve used every year since my kids were born. I normally make it the night before that way Christmas morning is easy breezy! Also, make sure to use a good bread for the casserole, it really makes a difference!
Hey Sara! Did you post the link for the casserole? It didn’t show up if you did. Thank you!
If you click on the part “the recipe” it goes to the link of the recipe.
Thank you Leslie!
Yes, just click the hyperlinked text, Andrea. Glad you found it! Thanks for the help, Leslie. 🙂
Since my kids were born, we have limited all grandparents (there are 7), aunts/uncles and us to 3 gifts each. At first the grandparents were annoyed, but they’ve grown to love it. The gifts are usually something they want, need and wear. I don’t limit on books, because we are avid readers and in my opinion there can never be too many books. We a 6, 4 and 18mo, we’ve got a nice selection of books and toys. Limiting has made what they receive that much more special and really help them be appreciative.
You definitely can’t have too many books, thanks for the reminder, Sarah!
Do you still do stockings with this also?
We do. I usually put the something to do in the stocking and nothing else in the stocking is expensive (bath stuff, candy, maybe a pop socket or if a book or two will fit).
We do.
Hey S! Yes, I still do stockings to add a little extra excitement for the kids (and my littlest still believes in Santa so I choose to keep that tradition going.) I normally do one big gift from Santa and stick to more essential types of things for the stockings like gum, body wash, deodorant, etc.
When I was a child my parents always did three gifts. For Christmas we are celebrating Jesus’ birthday and He received gold, frankincense, and myrrh (3 gifts) so my folks said it was another way to remember what we are celebrating. I’ve continued to do that with my children. We read Luke 2 together from the Bible then they get to open their gifts. It’s so easy to get lost in the “stuff” aspect of Christmas. We try to keep it simple and enjoy the family time.
How special, I love that you keep things simple. Thanks for sharing, Beth!
For those who follow this or similar, I’m curious, how you handle birthdays and also how you approach giving things that fall into these categories to the kids during the rest of the year. Maybe the thoughtful piece will be more relevant when my kids are older, but recent birthday a $5 stuffed animal was a favorite gift. Do you regularly give educational toys, arts and crafts, books, clothes, etc. outside of gift times?
I’m sure other readers will have valuable input, Chris. For my family, I keep things really simple on every other holiday and birthday. My oldest happens to be born the day after Christmas, so it’s hard to separate the 2 most years. Depending on what they’re into I normally just get one nice gift on their birthday. I don’t ever recall spending more than $100.
My 4 year-old son has a Christmas Eve bday. I’d love a post on some ideas of what people do with bdays around Christmas!
My son’s birthday is early January. I would always get him something that he didn’t get for Christmas for it but kept it small, he was fairly “gifted” out by that time. But we did celebrate his half birthday, when he was small it was with summer time toys and when he was older an experience with his friends movies and dinner, arcade or massive sleepover. It worked out well.
What about a big half birthday? Of course, celebrate their actual birthday but on a small level and then live it up on their half birthday?!
My son was born on December 23. Many family members would give him a gift and they spent a little extra on it they only got him the one. He got birthday cards, for your birthday at Christmas. He would get birthday presents wrapped in Christmas paper. I always made sure he had a birthday gift in birthday paper, a cake not decorated for the holidays, and a birthday card just for him. I never said anything to me, but he told me later in life he hated that. It was like he was always sharing his birthday. So I would recommend that you be sure to keep them separated, even if their birthday is on the 25th. Let them know they are special too.
My daughter’s birthday is on December 26th and her daughters is on the 27th also my grandson’s is Dec 21st. With my daughter all decorations for christmas were taken down in the room that we celebrated her birthday in. No Christmas paper or bags or cards were ever given to her on her birthday. Her cake never had the colors green or red on it. I spent as much on her gift for her birthday as if it were some other day in the year. When she got older and had boyfriends they were also given the same rules. A Christmas/Birthday gift was never an option for anyone involved. Both my children also follow those rules for their children whose birthdays fall in that week too. I offered a half year birthday but my daughter never wanted it. She has told me many times that she never felt cheated on her birthday and now does the same for her daughter. I always put money aside during the year specifically for her birthday so it was never a problem to buy that extra big gift during the christmas season.
My 4 year-old son has a Christmas Eve bday. I’d love a post on some ideas of what people do with bdays around Christmas!
My firstborn was born on Christmas Day. Over the years we added five others. We never go too crazy for any holiday, even Christmas…we don’t want the meaning of the day to be lost in the gifts. For my special Christmas Day birthday guy, we have always made a point to enjoy birthday cake for breakfast on Christmas morning. Everyone knows and looks forward to eating cake Christmas morning BEFORE we do anything else: open Santa gifts, open gifts from parents, see extended family, etc. It takes a bit of planning ahead to make sure the cake it ordered/made/delivered the day before, but he absolutely loves this tradition. While we have never been birthday party parents, we do take our kiddos on a special birthday date of their choosing (sometimes with our help if need be). Usually they are allowed to invite a sibling or special friend to join. Nowadays it’s just me, as their father passed away a few years ago, but these birthday traditions are still being carried on and they all look forward to them every year. I’m a big believer of the notion you can’t replace presence with presents. My father said this to me for years. It took me a long time to truly understand those words, but it is indeed a powerful statement, especially in these days and times. Blessings.
For Birthdays, they can choose a party with friends or a special activity/trip. If they want an item for their birthday, it usually comes from the grandparents. This year of course, we had to change that up!
My husband went without for most of his childhood, so it’s important for him to have a tree full of gifts for his kids to open on Christmas, which is fine with me.
I get him, although I’m probably somewhere in the middle of all this. I grew up poor and my parents discouraged us for asking Santa for anything specific because they knew they might not be able to deliver – I never wrote a letter to Santa 😳 Now with kids of my own, especially with one that is on the cusp of not believing, I will reasonably indulge for just a few years yet. For us, the toy/materialistic phase seems naturally short lived anyway – my 8 and 9 year old already seem to be more interested in shared electronics that everyone can enjoy, like the Nintendo Switch I got on sale last year; this year the only suggestion they’ve made is more games. I say “no” most of the other 364 days of the year 😂 I just want to make this one day magical for as long as I can.
I would love to try this!
Does anyone else have an issue with family over-giving at Christmas time? I don’t mean to sound unappreciative but my in-laws have always gone big at Christmas, even when my husband was a kid. They didn’t have a lot of money growing up so Christmas was a big deal. They now have a set amount of money that they spend per grandchild to make it fair across the board, $250 per child. The kids get great gifts but IT IS A LOT OF STUFF. When asked if they can decrease the amount or telling them that the kids don’t need all of these things they really blow it off. It has gotten so that it almost overshadows our Christmas with our kids, ESPECIALLY if I tried this 4 gift thing. They are not crazy/manipulative/mean grandparents, they are really wanting to get them some cool stuff that the kids would love but it’s just too much. Any advice?
One idea that comes to mind..have the grandparents pool the money for your kids and get one larger family gift, such as an experience gift – maybe a weekend away to a new place each year. You and the kids then could create a photo album of the trip to treasure and share with grandma and grandpa.
Sara maybe you could ask the in-laws to set aside a majority of the money for your children’s college fund? How grateful the children will be knowing that the grandparents bankrolled a portion of college for them when they get there? Or ask them to pay for an outing they can take the children to that will create memories for the kids? Let them know that the kids are all good for toys this year. I had similar issue with my mother. She wasn’t terribly open at first, but has now come around and it’s been great! She’s funded my kids summer science programs, taken them to the zoo, the dinosaur museum etc. She loves these outings and even pooled the money one year and bought them a new computer. Good luck and God bless!!
This is what one set of grandparents do/did. My husband’s parents have given a few small gifts to our boys for Christmas & birthdays since they were little, but the main portion of their gift has been money put aside and earmarked for college. Now that my oldest is a senior and off to college next August, we have that money to assist for college and can’t be more grateful that they had the foresight to do this years ago 🙂
A few years ago, we started the tradition of my parents buying our year membership to the local science museum as our family Xmas gift and just a couple smaller gifts for our girls. They also buy our zoo membership in place of birthday gifts for my husband and I. Many other zoos/science centers offer reciprocity with those memberships, so we save money on activities when we travel. If your kids are older, the grandparents could pay toward monthly memberships to local places that offer indoor sports classes, rock wall climbing, trampoline parks, etc
You could ask for them to pay for summer camp or dance or another class for your children. My in-laws love to spend $ on things we don’t need and really clutter up our house. Finally, my husband spoke to his parents and they have paid for Irish dance lessons, horseback riding lessons, summer camp and a zoo membership. They still give the kids stockings filled with gift cards to restaurants, clothing store, book store and candy. Kids are happy and we have less “stuff”.
I think my mom is finally realizing how carried away she gets at Christmas. This year I asked her for a budget and told her I would let her know what to get each of the kid based on that price. They normally end up doing whatever they want though, so we’ll see how this year goes! I have a friend who’s sister lives in a small home in the city and she flat out told her mom that if she didn’t stick to one nice gift, everything else would be donated and it’s not that she’d unappreciative, but they simply don’t have the room for EVERYTHING.
If your husband is on the same page as you are, it might be better coming from him (at least I feel like that is true for me). An awesome gift idea for them could be some piano lessons, or an outing where they take your child to a sports game, or a magazine subscription (we’ve gotten The Friend magazine, National Geographics For Kids, etc.), they could purchase something like a spotify account, or a membership to an online educational program. Another fun thing could be a bedroom makeover (especially if you have girls).
Find something you and your husband can both live with and let your husband set the boundaries. I also ask for college money and experiences. We had a problem with grandparents overshadowing what I could do for my children with junky toys. When we explained that specifically to them it hit home more than a million previous conversations had ever done. I’m paying for lessons, food, rent and saving for college. You coming in once a year and spending $500 on junk we don’t need to be the big shot is annoying. You already had your time to do this for your own children. They came from a place of having uninvolved grandparents so they just couldn’t understand it until we explained it that way. I always appreciate books, clothes, experiences, and help saving for college but it’s took years to get them out of their mindset of “toys or nothing”.
My mom once felt the way that you do. We had a loving, but indulgent, grandmother who absolutely loved all holidays. Mom felt bad that Grandma wanted to gift us with both experiences and presents. When Mom brought it up with Grandma, it brought another perspective to light. Grandma knew that she wouldn’t be there to see her grandchildren through all parts of their lives. Those gifts and experiences were her way of showing all of us how special we were to her – and doing it while she was able. My mom may not always have agreed, but on this one point, she let Grandma win.
Count yourself lucky and blessed nobody ever buys our daughter anything for any occasion. My parents are deceased. I watched my father buy gifts for his girlfriend’s daughter but he never bought me anything because he hated my mother. My hubby stopped receiving gifts at age 10 while his older sisters continued to receive gifts and he had to pay $35 a week rent because he had a newspaper route. At 12 his father evicted him and he had to illegally rent a room at a boarding house. Eventually his mother made his father go find him after about 2 weeks. He stopped charging him rent for about 2 months before he started again. For this reason he would never limit our daughter to 3 or 4 gifts. So she gets spoiled a bit for Christmas and has experiences on her birthday but she is still a loving, humble, and generous child.
I feel this. My family is either gone or uninvolved. I am the only one providing Christmas. My husband didn’t have many good memories of Christmas, I’m Just Not There yet. But I do love this idea.
A few years back when my son was about 12, I opened a TD Ameritrade account for him and bought 3 individual stocks worth about $100 in total, in which he was interested in, (I think I purchased Ford, General Mills and Microsoft). One share of each and then he had $50 to do as he pleased with. I set up the app on his iPad and I ensured that he couldn’t accidentally buy anything else. It was the best gift I had ever given. He is now 16 and has about $4k worth of stock that he manages himself. He watches what goes on with the stock market and he actually reads the articles that TD highlights regarding the stocks. He gets to do the voting and when he has certain questions I let him call TD to get the answers on his own to learn to advocate for himself. Hands down best gift ever, I wish I actually did it sooner.
WOW, I absolutely love this and think it’s such a great gift idea! I converted my kid’s savings into Crypto which has at least tripled so far and we talk with them often about it. I look forward to when they’re older and can learn to manage it and learn more about it. Thanks for sharing!
I say let them do it. It is once a year. I never like to tell people what they can buy as gifts. It truly takes all fun out of it for everyone else. Just a thought. In kindness! I promise.
Wow! Great ideas! Is there anyway that we can add the “experience” option to the beautiful Christmas wish list?
So glad you enjoyed this post, Nat! I will check with Lina since this was something she created for her kids a few years back. I’m not sure she’ll still have it!
How do you do this with Santa gifts? We have tried before and they have a different list for Santa than for us and I think this will be our last Santa year so don’t want to spoil that?
Last year ended up being the last year my older two believed in Santa. Since I knew they were getting to that point I explained that Santa is really busy and we are blessed with enough stuff. Let’s pick one or two gifts that we really want from Santa and stick with those. It worked for us! As for my youngest…she literally thinks everything is from Santa, so I just roll with it. As long as she’s happy, I don’t care who she thinks it’s from. HAHA
We done the experience box last year for Christmas, The kids loved the ideal and had a great time until COVID hit. We got to do Jan. Feb. & March, April was the “BIG” trip with a vacation at Universal and that was the first that was canceled. The kids have opened all the envelopes and small gifts (socks for bowling, Movie gift card for snacks, etc.) about two months ago. We have made promise of completing all of the trips next year but it really put a damper on what could have been an amazing gift.
2 years ago we almost entirely eliminated gifts and started doing a family trip instead. BUT, we do this 4-gift rule as it relates to the trip and use the gifts as hints essentially. I’m undecided ehat the trip will be this year with COVID, but leaning toward a national parks road trip. So the gifts could be new jackets to WEAR, books to READ in the car, a Lego set they WANT for building in the hotel, etc. We also ask extended family to stick with clothing 1-2 sizes bigger or money toward the kids’ activities. I don’t think we’ll ever go back!
Great idea Taryn! If you happen to have a 4th grader you can score this FREE National Parks pass for your whole family!
Clearly this has a Christian theme, but we’ve always done gifts this way:
1 gift from Santa
1 gift from each of the three wise men (because we try to tie in the reason we celebrate)
1 gift from us (as parents)
I got this idea from a friend when my first was an infant, and I’ve always liked the idea because it minimizes how much they get and puts some focus on the reason we celebrate.
Thanks so much for sharing, Alyssa! Love this!
I am going to use this tradition with my grandkids. First grand baby is due this January!
Wonderful! Congratulations on your first grandbaby, nikkicr912!
I just don’t think I could do this, I lost my dad 2 weeks after my sixth Christmas so it’s always been a huge holiday for me since I associate with my last memory of him. My kids are adults now, but I still over buy for them and my grandkids. I enjoy gift gifting too much to limit myself to four gifts. It’s not stressful for me. I do Christmas huge. Other than Christmas and birthdays my kids never asked for anything and never got anything. (Other than school clothes of course)
Not to mention we have zero extended family members, so the gifts my kids got from us where the only gifts they get/got.
Do what makes you happy! It’s your family and your family traditions! We also do a huge Christmas and overly indulge. No reason other than that’s what we do and you know what, I don’t owe anyone an explanation! Wishing you and yours a happy and healthy holiday.
We have something similar. One gift from the parents, one from each sibling (we have 3 kids) and Santa brings one, So I g used the total is 4.
After the meltdown year we stopped buying as much as we could. Literally overwhelmed them and they threw a fit and broke down. This year we are also going back to bringing the presents up on Christmas Eve after they go to bed.
I hope this year is seamless for you and your family, Laura! Thanks for sharing!
I have 4 grandchildren and I don’t overdue. I buy one practical gift for about $25, then some small things appropriate to their age. I gave them a personalized cash box last year for their money. My nephew’s bday is dec 26. When he was young I gave him two bags. One with Xmas gifts, the other a birthday bag with summer things that I bought during the summer for him. Even an outdoor toy. He loved it!
Great ideas, thanks for sharing, Lynn! That’s also my oldest son’s birthday. 🙂
We just do book exchanges! All of us are older. I also do not want more junk to clean! Most gets refitted by me!
I especially hate when people give me clothing! Last year I received some collar that was fleece lined! I would regift, but doubt if any would want! Clothes are personal, very few get it right for me! Little do many know,how often their items end up at thread up! I do not donate to Goodwill, their prices are tooo high and they have become quit junky! Good only for $1.00 books.
What a super fun idea, Evie!! Thanks for sharing!
I kind of like the idea of the 4 gift rule, because you can only have so many toys! But my whole childhood my mom went overboard for Christmas. We didn’t really get gifts or things or toys throughout the year, Christmas was mostly i. I mean we got birthday gifts, but not that many. Christmas was a big deal, and as a single parent for 1/2 my childhood I don’t know how she pulled it off. 1/3 of our living room was just the tree and all the gifts she’d wrapped. It was a lot, but also a blast honestly opening all the gifts and playing with all the toys. Of course as you got older the less you got since things became more expensive. I tend to go overboard with my son currently, I’m trying to reign it in lol. He’s spoiled, has way too many toys and he is overwhelmed. But my mom set a precedent of going all out for Christmas lol, so I am too. So I’ve thought about the 4 gift idea; but I still like toys too much lol.
You have to do what works for you, Sara! Thanks for sharing – it sounds like you make Christmas super special!
Omg, it’s the same for me. My parents covered the entire living room into the second room for myself and my 3 siblings. Other than Christmas, we only ever got things on our birthdays. We also didn’t have a lot so I have absolutely no idea how they afforded it. But, as a result I have always done it with mine. Over the years I’ve wished I never went crazy like that—to clarify I do not fill up my living room like my parents did but I do gift them more than I SHOULD. I just don’t know how to decrease the gifts without hurting our traditions. I have three kids, 2 are older (both in HS), but I do have one younger one in elementary school. So I don’t really know how to scale it back without hurt feelings/ruining the holiday.
a few years back our family decided to stop buying “stuff” for Christmas and make memories instead. We figure the memories of family holiday trips and adventures would last much longer than toys. honestly how many toys and shirts that you got on Christmas do you really remember today verse how many family trips from your childhood and teen years still bring you smiles and are conversation pieces at family get-togethers. we still do a small gift exchange on the day but the focus is on new memories of family adventures.
I couldn’t agree more, Ray! Love that you started doing this – thanks for sharing!
I just can’t do that little for Christmas. I only have 1 kid so for those with more kids I’m sure this is very helpful. I do the 4 gift rule for my son for Christmas Eve but each thing is under a certain price and then the next morning is the other gifts.
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My kids get soooo many gifts from other people at Christmas, my parents and my husband & I only get them a few things. They get two Santa gifts and a few gifts from us. They are fine with it.
Hi Nat, if you’re still in need, I could probably make that change and email it to you. I’m no professional, but I like to tinker :). Email me the phrase you’d like to add, and I’ll give it a go (maybe “Things I’d like to do” ?)
hip2savecarmen1-plumb at yahoo.com
I like my kids to have lots of presents to open on Christmas. A lot are small items wrapped in big boxes and then they get a couple of big gifts. We do clearance shopping all year long so Christmas is not a big expense. Lots of items were regularly $20-$30 and I got them for under $5. I love clearance.
Way to be frugal!! Thanks for sharing your tips with us!
I’ve been planning to do this for the first time this year, but I get waffling. My kids are 4 and 6 so I’m not sure they really old enough to not be disappointed with fewer gifts and I’ve always gone overboard and they are so young, I’m worried they will be disappointed not to see alll those presents under the tree. I love making a big deal of Christmas but we have such a small house theres simply no room for all the stuff.
Since my kids were small
I did a “Santa gift”
Which has been their favorite. Santa has always given a family
Gift and it’s an experience. (2 foot pizza slices, food tour, overnight at a hotel and children’s museum, zoo trips..)any fun thing we can do together. I have 4 kids (10-17) and they leave the Santa letter in the tree for last to read together. It takes some Planning but it’s the highlight every year.
Jessica-This is a perfect year to shake things up :), and since they’re so young, it’s a good idea to start NOW before things get out of hand, lol. Maybe they’re not ready to have a 4 present limit, but making a change for the better may not be as hard as you think. You may need to find a buddy to chat with, though, when you find yourself getting weak, and thinking of dropping $100 at the Disney store on December 23rd ;). You can still wrap one “finale” gift and lots of smaller presents without “going overboard.” They may not even notice. You can tell them you’re trying something new this year and plan an “experience,” then wrap a bunch of “clues” along with the other presents. You can find an organization to donate toys to, and have the kids help you pick out toys for others, telling them that you want to teach them about sharing. You can find ideas online about having a minimalist holiday, and pick and choose ways you can slowly cut back 🙂 and maybe start a new tradition. YOU CAN DO THIS! :). If you think it’s important, the reward for your family will be greater than any “things” they will get.
I’d be lying if I said one of mine wasn’t disappointed in the first year. They ripped through all 5 gifts so fast and then that was it! Luckily they still had grandparents to look forward to, but after a long talk about why we celebrate Christmas, they were okay…they truly had a blast being surrounded by all of their family, and this year they already expect to only get 5 gifts and have been racking their brains to make it worth it! It’s so fun to watch them reason with themselves on what they REALLY want to get this year.
awesome :).
Thank you all for sharing your ideas! This is great! We have 3 kids and I started doing something to wear, something to read and something to play with…plus santa and stocking. This is the first year I’m wondering if we’ll do santa. The last few years we’ve done a shared play gift, like ps4, or one year they got inexpensive laptops for school. Preteen/teen everything is becoming harder, but I like the ideas of taking them out or gifting a class.
Any tips for gifts for your own siblings and parents? I’ll do couple gifts like kitchen things or something they both like, but its getting harder.
The past two years we have tried to focus on the whole month instead of just the one day. For Christmas we do a parent gift, sibling gifts and stocking from Santa because they always get additional from grandparents. And our parent gift is usually a family experience. (This year is building a Rockwall in our garage. Thanks Covid. 😜 ) But for the 24 days leading up to Christmas, we do a countdown that included crafts, activities, local experiences, small gifts, sewing and baking. My kids look forward to this now every Christmas season. We are still making tons of memories and we aren’t spending money on random stuff that gets donated in two months. This past year we wrote a riddle for each day They could read in the morning about what the days activity was. I love Christmas so this was a way to make it last longer!
I love hearing that stuff isn’t sitting around or getting donated now, Heather, that is amazing! Way to turn around your traditions and make the most out of them!
We have done this for the last 10 years. I LOVE that it helps to keep Christmas in check and we can stay focused on the true reason for Christmas. From family members we often ask for activities or gift cards to cut back on the stuff and clutter.
How amazing you’ve been doing this tradition for so long, Beth! I love hearing that. 🙂
We’ve done some version of this from the get-go and I love it. It doesn’t always “line up” with the rhyme (I don’t have a “read” for my oldest this year) but we keep the gift count to 4-6 each. Sometimes it’s expanded to “something to share” or “something to do” or “something surprise” but generally speaking it has made our Christmas mornings so sweet and simple. Now if I could JUST get Grandparents on board we’d be totally set!
I never had Christmas as a kid. Two horrible parents who didn’t even care if we had the things we needed (no coats in the winter, no school supplies…spent most school days without lunch because in the 90’s people minded their own business; so no one ever halped us or called CPS) much less buy us things we wanted. I have risen above it but Christmas brings up bad memories for me. So, for my kids I buy them about 4 or 5 gifts each (some are requests & some are practical needs) but don’t keep a tally of each amount as it’s too hard to buy them the same monetary total of gifts; especially since they are 5 years apart in interested in different things. We don’t have a limit on books. If they ask for 2 or 27 different titles they always get those. Santa brings “Santa sacks” and in there are bath bombs, new flashlights, marshmallow shooters, play doh, legos, and things like that for each of their interests).
They get a “better together” gift to remind them that they are a team; built-in best friends for life…so it’s always something to share (one year was a set of new board games, another was a giant marble run, the next a trampoline & one year was a zoo membership & last year was a hugglepod).
Birthdays are a no holds all out huge celebration; I will ALWAYS celebrate the day they were born and made me a mama in the biggest way possible! I want them to know that of ALL the days in a year that the day they were born is THE BEST day of my life!
Yes to all of this! I love the “better together” and the all out birthday parties!!! If you can and you want to, why not? If you can’t, you can’t and that’s okay too.
Yes, I agree the one book rule for this idea is silly. encourage kids to read. Give as many books as they will read, I love it!
We have always done 3 gifts and a stocking filled with goodies. If they ask why 3 I ask them if they think they have been better than Jesus this year. 🤪
I would like to do this but I have 2 teenagers and I’m pretty sure they dont want no books for Christmas what can be a replacement for something they read
Maybe change it to “something entertaining” – i.e. movie tickets, a DVD, gift card for streaming service (Netflix, Hulu…), Apple music gift card, etc.
I am cutting back this year because my 2 are older and their wish list items are more expensive than when they were little. I am all for everyone doing what works for them but I could not do this little for Xmas. I grew up poor and not having a nice Xmas was always such a disappointment not to mention embarrassing at school. I know it shouldn’t matter but it did to me. Fortunately, with only 2 kids, it is easier + frugal shopping all year long. Also, they get a lot of practical gifts i.e. clothes, shoes, books, etc for Xmas. My stepson gets gifts from his mother and her family but my other son only has 1 grandparent still living (but he lives in another country) so he basically only gets gifts from us which is another reason I don’t want to do this. Again, to each their own!
Mother of 4 here… I never realized how many presents other families give per child, until I saw this very interesting and eye opening post ☺️ I give 3 presents to each of my kids, and 1 “from Santa”not more than $100 per kid, also put small toys/candies in stockings, they get presents or gift cards from in laws and uncles/aunts they all know not to spend more than what I do on gifts. The main thing for us on bdays and holidays is the food, getting together for a homemade meal and spending time playing the value of a present it’s not as important
My kids are teens and we have been doing a Christmas vacation. They get a few gifts the vacation is the big one.
I did this last year for my 3. I also included “something handmade” for each of them and “something to do” (an activity/putting for each of them). Then I wrapped the boxes in white wrapping paper and stacked them like snowmen and put new hats, gloves, and scarves for each of them on their snowmen. I still did overboard on their stockings as I always do (they have 3 feet stockings lol) but that’s their favorite part of Christmas gifts so I was okay with that. It worked out wonderfully.
We don’t go overboard, even if we can afford it. My son is only getting books for Christmas ( he really likes the warriors series) and I bought a prism. My husband and I are not doing any gift exchange because we buy what we need, when we need it. Also due to the pandemic since we have not been very social this year, we are only giving gifts to very close friends and family. This pandemic has taught me that you never know when tragedy can strike, so it’s best to be frugal and save for a rainy day. All the excess stuff we buy end up as clutter and harm the planet too. We are trying to spend our time by taking walks in the parks, playing family board games and doing art watching YouTube. I have also been able to de clutter and donate a lot of items to families in need and honestly this feeling is much better than the instant gratification from shopping.
We do this too! Although we added another one “something to do”. Our kids typically pick an activity to do as a family like tubing, sledding to go to the movies or get ice cream as a family but it could be a board game, scooter, roller blades, a new bike.
Love that, Breanna! We also do that as I noted in the post it’s actually my favorite one to give. 🙂 Happy holidays to you and your family!
This is one of THE most precious and special ideas I have ever heard!! 💕 God bless each of you at Hip!!
I’m so glad you enjoyed reading about our family’s tradition, MissJillian! Have a wonderful Christmas!
I’ve been doing this for over 9 years. I started the five gift rule when I had two kids. Now that I have 5 kids, I’m glad I started that! I spend no more then $100 per kid. I always challenge myself to spend less then that. I always start shopping in August because you always get the best deals starting then and before November. I also do stocking stuffers but I always buy good quality stuff for their stockings but I try to stay under $5.00 per item and do no more then 10 gifts in their stocking. For example: old navy had clearance leggings for $3.00 shipped, that will be put in my teenagers stocking. I’m grateful my kids never want for much and know the true meaning of Christmas, Christ birth and spending time with family making memories. They always look forward to homemade cinnamon rolls Christmas morning, the Christmas tree we bought when my husband and I first got married and has been every kids first and only Christmas tree since then (22 years) and it’s holding up wonderfully too! Christmas has become so commercialized where people feel like they have to over indulge on kids. Kids are simple. They rather be making memories then playing with tons of toys by themselves. Our time and our love is what their little hearts crave ( even as teenagers) my kids much rather spend time playing or talking then alone watching tv or playing games. Make memories not just Christmas time by all the time. LIFE is way too short, kids grow up way too fast. Enjoy every little moment you can before it’s gone🥰
Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful ideas and perspective, Kim! That is truly something special to have started and it’s so amazing to hear how much your kiddos still enjoy Christmas too. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas with your family!
We did three gifts like the Wise Men brought. Also…we didn’t wrap. My relatives (childless) thought it was awful… Until…they had kids…
Awww! I think that’s very meaningful too. Thank you for sharing, Kelly! I hope you and your family have a wonderful Christmas!
Before we celebrated my first kid’s first Christmas I heard Kathie Lee Gifford say that she only gives her kids 3 gifts for Christmas, just like the baby Jesus got three gifts from the Wisemen. Now, I understand that the gifts she may have been giving were probably very expensive, so the three gifts her kids got may have been much more than what I could give my kids, but I did like that idea of just giving 3 gifts espcially because we can make that connection for our kids about why we (personally) celebrate Christmas. We get lots of presents from family members and friends, so it’s not like my kids will ONLY get 3 presents and that’s it. I just don’t like the mounds and mounds of toys I would see my nieces and nephews get that they would play with it for two seconds and then be over it, but it takes more than 2 seconds for the gift giver to earn the money for that gift and to think about what gift to give them (hopefully). Also because of that, we spread out the gifts throughout Christmas day and let my son open one gift (of all the gifts he receives, not just the ones from us) every hour so that he actually interacts with the gift before moving onto the next one. It also spreads the excitement out for the whole day. He can pick which ones he opens but we usually try to tell him which one to open first (the one we guess he will like the most).
Also, I didn’t teach my son and don’t intend to teach my new baby that they can ask for things for Christmas. For their birthdays, sure that day is about them and they can ask for what they want, and we will try our best to give them things that they do ask for (within reason). But I want to teach them that on Christmas it’s not just about them or about what they will receive, but we think about Jesus and we think about giving gifts to others to make them happy; so on Christmas they receive gifts and hopefully find happiness in and be grateful that someone loved them enough to think about them and get a gift for them. They don’t ask for gifts for Christmas.
I was lucky enough to start these traditions from the beginning of my kid’s lives. I think it would be harder (but doable) to change gift giving traditions after they have had years of getting lots of gifts.
I love this! Thank you so much for sharing how you celebrate Christmas with your family. I especially love how you have him only open 1 in an hour, how fun!
I have always kept gifts to a limit of 4 per child. That is hard enough to do, financially speaking! One gift being a need like socks, underwear, or pajamas. Both my husband and I had humble Christmas’s growing up. So, to us 4 gifts is a lot! Kids are always happy. 🙂
I agree with you! I sometimes feel myself getting stressed over the 5 I do buy and how quickly they all add up. I hope you and your family have a great Christmas!
We have done this since our kiddos were 3 & 5. They’re now 13 & 15 😳! They love it (and so do we) & love making their list for their something they want, need, wear & read. We also add an “Activity” category…whether it be a game we can all play as a family, tickets to a movie they wanted to see, zoo passes, craft kits etc! I also love it now that our kids are older as well. Sometimes teens can be so hard to buy for around Christmas. Only wanting “money & giftcards”. This definitely makes it easier to shop for those hard to buy for teens.
I love that! The something you do or activity is always my favorite gift to give. Enjoy your Christmas with your sweet family!
Thank you Sara. Wishing you and yours a Very Merry Christmas as well 🎄
We give one gift per person. St. Nicolaus comes on the 14th and brings fruits and candy. Santa comes on Christmas Eve. We put up the tree a week before Christmas. We light the old German candles for 15 minutes while singing German Christmas songs in honor of my mother and Oma. Then we blow them out and plug in the colored lights. We open one present Christmas Eve. Christmas morning the kids dole out gifts to everybody and then the youngest opens their gifts, then the next etc. I do stockings for everybody but myself. LOL I always forget myself. We have a simple Christmas. The kids clean out their old toys a week before Christmas and donate the ones that are in good enough shape to share.
Your family’s tradition sounds so wonderful, Pat! Thanks for sharing!
I have no clue how this works? Does stocking stuffers count? My kid wants a fuiji camera? So I get the Camera with no film? Or a switch with no games? Or a play kitchen with no playfood? I could just go to dollar tree and spend $4 plus tax. One lip gloss, one book, one pair of fuzzy socks, and a dollartree puzzle. Got it!
Great question! There’s no right or wrong way on how you can do your four gift rule. 😊
As for me and my family, I still choose to do stocking stuffers in addition to their 5 gifts. Typically they are more practical things that they will use or are little odds & ends like trading cards, their favorite snacks, etc. I also group items together as “one gift” as you mentioned. For example, my daughter asked for a dress up cheerleading costume and it didn’t come with pom-poms so the outfit + pom-poms would be her wear gift despite the fact I had to purchase two separate items. As another idea, a play kitchen + a set of play food to go with it would also be one gift.
I hope this better explains how I do my four gift rule but again, there’s no right or wrong way to start your own tradition. 😊
I truly wish I would have done this. My kids are older & trying to figure how to pay for college. I regret splurging every year, we really over did it. I can see how wise it would have been to simplify & save for things they really need. College is so expensive & we don’t have the means to help them.